Again
by Rinidaze02
Summary: "Again. I end up in bed with him again"


Well here I go again.

Same situation every time. It's an addiction I can't break. It's a constant loop where I meet him in random places and end up in his bed.

Naked.

I'm ashamed of myself. I tell myself to not get attached but I do each time. He's addicting. I can't stop. Maybe I don't want to stop.

Each time we promise each other it's the last time. We can't keep going on like this. It's a one night stand that happens too often.

And I fall further in love. He's a good man. Not just in bed but a good personality.

Oh yeah by the way it's my ex boyfriend.

We have been off and on since high school. I caught him cheating on me with my ex best friend behind the school and I broke it off. We haven't talked to each other for the rest of the year.

The day we graduated, he wanted to give it another try. I agreed but we had to set some rules.

Of course those rules didn't stick.

It was getting emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting for me to not be paranoid and think he's out with some chick he met at the bar and became intimate with her. It breaks my heart that my paranoia become true.

He'd make up excuses when I get too close to figuring out he's cheating on me. This time with a coworker. I got fired and received a restraining order from my boss to stay away from the building.

I broke up with him again and moved far away as possible. He called nonstop that I had to change my phone number. I needed a clear mind and being far from him as possible was the right step.

Then I started getting lonely.

Besides the constant cheating and lies, he was my best friend. We told each other everything. We had our own inside jokes that we only knew and would make others uncomfortable.

It was love. I wanted it back so much I was willing to throw away my self respect for that last moment of good memories. I keep blaming myself for wanting to give in so easily to him like nothing ever happened.

After that self pity and depression, I went back to medical school. I deserve a second chance at doing things for myself. I need to focus on myself. Only I matter now.

But first I need a drink.

So I go to favorite bar down the road. It used to be our favorite but it's not the same without the both of us. That doesn't matter because I should be able to go anywhere without missing him.

I sat at the counter and ordered my usual. The bartender gave me my drink very quickly. I took my drink and faced the crowd of people dancing to the cringy song that the dj chose to play.

Sipping my drink slowly, I felt a hand on my arm. I turned to the person who laid their hand on me and I nearly dropped my drink.

It's him.

My ex boyfriend.

Of course he would be here. It's our spot. We go here to escape the outside world. This was our getaway. Though, of all nights, he has to be here when I'm here. I was beginning to get over him and life hits me with a brick.

"Fancy seeing you here. Can I get you another drink?"

"No thanks I'm fine."

I get up from my stool but he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him, "Hey you're not gonna ask why I'm here."

I pulled my arm from his grasp and turn my head a different direction, "I don't care why you're here. I came to have a good time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dance floor that's waiting for me."

Turning my back to him, I make my way to the dance floor. I won't let him ruin my night. I don't care if he begs on his knees, I'll reject him like I should have before.

I got lost in dancing that I almost didn't feel those slimy, pale arms slide around my waist and move with me. I wanted to pull away but for some reason, I don't. Why didn't I pull away? Do I really want this? I guess I do because I still didn't move.

I can hear him sing the lyrics to the song in my ear and I feel like I can melt. I missed when he would sing to me. He used to be in a band so I shouldn't be surprised. Jesus this is unfair. I'm going back on my word. I know my cousin would be pissed if he saw me right now.

I slip from his arms and turn my body towards him. That was a mistake. I pull his head down for a kiss. God I feel like a weak woman. I miss this. I miss him. I'm not over him.

And he's not over me.

He pulls me closer to deepen the kiss. Thank the Gods the music was loud enough so my moans wouldn't be heard. We pull away so we can breathe put only for a few seconds and we're back at it. It's so hot and passionate like nothing has changed since we broke up. Is this a sign?

I immediately pulled away and look at his eyes to confirm the feelings that are slowly but surely rising again.

"Do you want this?" He asks as he stares at me.

Do I?

"I do."

I do.

We leave the bar and go to my place because it's closer. Hopefully, something changes after tonight. I do want him back in my life. I need him back. I can't go on if these feelings keep coming back whenever I see him.

Maybe I'm not so independent.


End file.
